Sunday, February 22, 2015

On the eve of Jackson's 2nd birthday

Dear Jackie-boy,

I am sitting here on the eve of your second birthday trying to remember how I felt 2 years, waiting for you to enter our world. I was so nervous as I anticipated welcoming you into our family. I wasn't nervous about you, well, I wasn't nervous about the taking care of a baby aspect of you. I was nervous about your role: little brother. How was I going to balance 2 children under two? How would you fit into our family? How would my heart grow? In the instant that you were born, I knew that I didn't need to worry. You fit into my arms, you fit into my heart. It just grew. It needed a little extra space, because, baby boy, you were born resembling a 3 month old! There you were, though, already assuming your new role, little brother. I loved you instantly, I love you even more now.

Jackson, you are smart and funny and crazy and outright silly. You are sensitive. You are laid back. You love your sister. You have mixed feelings about Fred (who wouldn't?). When you allow me to look into your eyes (when you aren't "sleeping") I am overcome with the joy that you are mine. I can't believe I get to share your laughter and light every day. You say silly things; you tell me your name is poppy or uncle Tim or Olaf. A few days ago, you told everyone at Lily's school your name is Evelyn and you are 3. You love your "ash" (or pacifier) and walk around asking for ash (which, buddy, sounds like ass...and daddy and I joke about that...). When you want something, you go after it. Like DVDs, which you drag your stool to and then remove one by one until you find the one you want. You are just you, and I love you for that.

You and Lily occasionally have your spats, usually over a toy, but you two share so much love. When Lily is sad she will go straight to you and ask for hugs. When you are told "no" and get sad you go right to her. I hope that you and Lily will always share that love and connection, and, when facing this big world, remember to hold onto each other and walk on together. (Also, she calls you little buddy, and that just melts my heart every single time!)

Jackie-boy, I can't believe that you are two. Time truly flies buddy. It seems like yesterday that you made your big entrance into the world, like superman the doctor said (by the by, buddy, being born like superman is very cool, except it hurts mommy...thanks for that). I love you more each day. I know this next year will bring new fun and surprises. I can't wait to live it and learn it and love it with you. Thanks for being my sunshine, little guy!

Love, your mommy

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