So, today, I am going to write about being a wife, which is something, that, honestly I don't really think about too much. I think about being a teacher, I think about being a mother, but I don't really think about my role as a wife.
Lately, Candace Cameron Bure has been in the headlines not only for her appearance on Dancing with the Stars, but also for her role in her marriage as a submissive wife. This is essentially explained as having an opinion in decision making her in marriage, but ultimately defaulting to her husband for making the ultimate decision. As I was reading about her relationship, I got to thinking about my own. I firmly believe that to be a good mother, I need to be a good wife, and have a strong marriage with my husband. We have to be a team as parents, and that team doesn't work if we aren't on the same page not only with parenting, but with our marriage.
I think it's important that Tom and I have time for each other. Sometimes, that time might just be watching TV, or, as silly as this may sound, grading papers together. Yes, we aren't oohing and aahing over each other, but we are together. I also think it is important that we have our bedroom as our own space. Sometimes, this is hard, as Lily will come calling in the middle of the night to sleep in "mommy, daddy bed". I love to snuggle my girl, and give her comfort, but I also like the time I have with Tom to chat together before we go to sleep. To unwind and talk about the day. This is also the one space that we have that can truly be our own. The other major living spaces are ruled by the kids, ok, by their toys. I need time to connect with my husband and be an adult. I think that is something that most moms struggle with-- that balance of mom and wife and self. We surrender ourselves to so many things that we forget that our marriage needs time, our self needs time. This is why we try to keep our kids on something of sleep schedule...because once they are to bed we can have some time together. Time to re-focus. Re-balance. To be Emily and Tom, and not mom and dad.
I definitely think that Tom and I have a strong marriage. We know how to work together and compromise. We have arguments, but not frequently. And if we do have one, we never go to bed upset. We communicate. We can be silly together. We can be serious together. We can laugh together. He let's me be my own person. We both value family. We don't share the same faith, but he respects my faith and respects that I desired to raise our children in my faith. At the end of the day, I feel safe and happy and protected.
For me, being a good parent means not allowing myself to get caught up in the lives of my kids 24/7. Yes, my children are the most most precious gifts in my life. I love them to ends of the earth and even further than that. They bring me joy. They make me so happy ever single day. But I know I am no good to them as a mother if I am no good in my marriage. I want them to see what a loving relationship is. That was the example my parents set forth. In good times and in bad I saw my parents show unwavering love for each other; that love was the foundation of our family and it is the love upon which my brother and I grew.
Ultimately, Lily and Jackson are love made flesh. Flesh is an awkward word. But, they are. They were born from the love I share with Tom. They are our hearts in the world. That is why Tom and I have to always work on being good spouses in our marriage. Because we have these little loves in the world and we must continually work to cultivate the love between us.
|Bottom photos by Leena A. Photography (www.leenaaphotography.com)|