This morning I decided to take the kids + dog for a walk.
Ok, that's cool. Easy enough.
Tom had baseball practice this morning. Based on today's events, it will be his last Saturday practice. Ever.
Well, maybe not...but I digress.
So, I get Lily dressed. I get Jack dressed. I get shoes on, jackets on, dog on leash, kids in stroller, and get out the door. Awesome start.
Start walking and everything is great. Weather is lovely, Lily is chatting about the cars or the airplanes or something. Jack is just chilling with his cute pilot hat on. Fred is even walking like a normal dog. Again, awesome.
Lily asks to walk. That's fine it will get her tired for her nap. I tell her she can when we get to a safer area to walk. She is cool with it.
We get to a safer place, she gets out and starts to walk. First problem: the yellow sign on the lawn that warns: if your child walks on, touches, consumes, or thinks about this grass he or she will explode. If your dog does any of the above his or her legs will fall off. Well, crap. Lily normally stays on the sidewalk, but Murphy's Law says if she cannot walk on the lawn, she will. So I pick her up, she starts to cry, and we get past demon lawn.
I put her down and the tears stop and everything is awesome again. Until she falls. A few more tears, but no profuse bleeding, so we are fine. Then, she falls again. More crying. Now, she wants to be carried.
Timeout. I can do many things. I am great at multitasking. But I cannot carry an almost two year old, push a double stroller, and walk a dog. I just cannot. So in the stroller she goes.
She flails, screams, cries, throws herself.
The man leaving his house is looking at me wondering what I did to my child.
Then...the paci...falls out.
So I finally get her in her stroller. She is still crying. Jack is looking at me like "mom...you are nuts." I am thinking, yeah, I am nuts. Then, Lily asks for her "pash", which is dirty and I cannot give her (never taking a pash on a walk again).
So she cries all the way home. We get home. She gets juice. She won't let go of me. When I have to put her down she flings herself on the floor and hits her head on the table. Then, when she asks for "nanas" I got to get them and she cries and, while trying to crawl up the steps, slips down them. Cue more crying.
We finally get settled with Caillou.
Jack is still in the car seat. I got to get him. Lily throws herself on me. He needs to be nursed, she sits on the nursing pillow (which is on my lap).
I call my mom and ask her for reinforcements. Luckily, my mom is wonderful and comes.
This is why Tom can never have a Saturday practice again. I hope he understands.
Score at the end of the morning (keep in mind, it's only 10am by the time this comedy of errors is over): Lily 1,000,000, Mom -infinity