Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Dear Fred...

Dear Fred,

It's hard to believe you have been my dog for 5 years now. I always wanted a dog, and you were my childhood wish being fulfilled in a rather hasty adult way. I know sometimes you probably feel a little neglected lately, but I still love you. It's hard to steal the show from Lily and Jack, though, so I hope you understand.

For the most part, you are an awesome dog. You still poop or pee on the rug sometimes, but that is largely due to user error. You sit by the door and wait to be taken out, but, because you forget to bark, we don't know you are there. And then you find the nearest rug and use it like it's your own personal toilet. There was also that time you threw up all over the sofa. That was just gross.

Sometimes, you have funny problems. And I mean funny beyond the realm of "you-are-a-wiener-dog" funny. Because, let's face it, by virtue of the face that you are a wiener dog, you are always a little funny. One time, you had an erection that wouldn't go away. We actually had to take you to the vet to get it...uhm...resolved. Yeah, that was embarrassing. I don't think dogs can embarrass, but their owners can. You really got us good that time.

Sometimes, you are a straight up pain in the butt. Like when you nudge Lily until she "gives" you her snacks. Or when you whine until you get your way. Other times, you are the cutest, sweetest little dog. Like when you let Lily basically abuse you in the name of playing and fun. You are gentle. You take a lot and don't really seem to care. Know that Lily adores you. Her pulling your collar, or kicking you, or trying to ride you really just means you are her favorite doggie.

You are the best snuggler. You love to cozy up as close as you can to a person, even if they don't want you to. You also love to lick faces, which, of course, Lily thinks is awesome. Seriously, she does. You also like to be under feet, which is really hazardous for us and you, so you may want to rethink where you are standing.

You love food, but I think your favorites are carrots and peas. This worked out well for you when Lily went through that phase where she threw her food on the floor when she was "all done". You really reaped the benefits of that one.

Honestly, having a dog is basically how I imagined it. Most days, I love you. Some days, I would like to kick your butt to the curb (these are the days when you have those fun accidents). I will admit, after Lily was born and I was crazy hormonal lady, I cried thinking of how horrible you must feel (projecting emotions on the dog much?). I am pretty sure you didn't feel horrible, but for whatever weird reason, I was positive you just felt super neglected. Really though, you have it good for a dog. You get to sit on furniture, eat Cesars, and sleep in our bed (well, for part of the night, anyway). You are stubborn (as most dachshunds are) and silly.

I know you can't read. Or maybe you can and we just don't know (if you can, can you learn to talk, too? I think a reading, talking dachshund would make us some good money), but my Freddie, I love you. Thanks for being Lily's best friend. Thanks for always protecting the house (even when it doesn't need to be). Thanks for being my little buddy. Hope these next years with you prove to have even more snuggles and long walks...and less pee and poop on the rug.

Lily and her bud {August 2011}

Ever the poser {August 2011}

One of my favorites {August 2011}

Lily already loving Fred; Fred looking sad {July 2011}

Kisses! {February 2012}

Just Fred {April 2013}

Hanging out with Jack {May 2013}

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